I don’t know. I honestly think I can go on a diet of coffee and whiskey until I get so hungry that I shove cookies in my face to keep from passing out. I don’t know how to speak- as if I ever did. I find myself multiple times a day stopping, closing my eyes and saying “I’m sorry” to my co workers. Customers think I’m crazy but they don’t know that I really am. They don’t know how awful I feel in my skinny jeans, how paranoid I am of my underwear lines, how afraid I am that they see the rolls I’m trying to suck in. I hold onto the counter while I’m talking because I’m shaking too much. Why are they looking at my like this? Is it because my yellow tooth? Is it because I’m afraid I’m growing a mustache? Is it because I thought I had had enough a month ago? Is it because I’ve never been so scared? Is it because the eye liner lines underneath my eyes never seem to go away? Is it? Is it because I’m a coward who is afraid of leaves blowing past my face? Who am I and why am I here?